Vacation All I Ever Wanted

Here's the thing about going on vacation - you don't know how much you needed it, craved it, until you're there. Until your feet sink into the hot sand and your skin soaks up the rays of Vitamin D and your children's squeals of beachy happiness fill your head. You don't realize just how far down you've been until you feel the wind whipping through your hair as you four wheel down a beach in a muddy jeep you wish to hell was yours to keep. You can't see your tracks, where you've been, until you shift into the next gear and find something new.  

Here's another thing about going on vacation - you have time to think. Time to sort things out. Time to consider closing down your little space on the Internet because it's not really moving you forward in any meaningful way. In fact, you realize it's a pretty self-serving way to spend time. You don't have anything mind shattering to say to the world. But maybe, if you start listening more, the world has some mind shattering messages of its own. You want to start listening more.

Here's the last thing about going on vacation - you eventually have to come home. But you come home with your mind and spirit in a new place. And you know what you need to do to keep them there.

Happy spring, peeps.

Four Wheelin'

There is a signature in my high school yearbook, written by a friend I grew up with, that has stuck with me over the years. Two decades since graduation and I still remember the words he wrote next to my senior picture.

It began as the usual 'great knowing you, you're a great friend, good luck next year' blather, but then morphed into this: "...I believe that one day you'll meet that great guy with all the brains and money and you'll be driving a station wagon full of kids with a smile on your face".

Really?

What 17 year old writes that in another 17 year old's yearbook?

A Station wagon? Full of kids? With a smile on my face?

He didn't know me At. All.

I had plans back then. Big Plans. Big Plans that did not include a family vehicle of any kind.

My BFF and I had crafted our future plans together during a field trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art when we were 14. We were going to live in a loft in SoHo. We'd throw fancy Great-Gatsby parties with real cocktails in real glasses. She was going to be a fashion designer or actress, whichever was more lucrative. My career plans were up in the air, but I was definitely down with city loft living thing.

I'd do the chic city-girl gig during the week, but on the weekends I would free my car from the high priced parking garage (easily affordable with my six figure career) and cruise down the turnpike to the Jersey Shore in this:



My Dream Car.

The I-Don't-Have-Any-Responsibilities JEEP. Shiny black. Soft top. Adventure ready.

The kind with a removable top and doors. The kind that is required to be driven with flip flops. The kind that can take you to the beach or four wheeling through mud. The kind that reminds you that you are young and fun and not closing in on 40.

I was insulted by my friend's prediction back then. Who did he think I was?

Clearly, I was much more THIS


Than (God help me) THIS


I went off to college in upstate New York that fall, broke, clueless and car-less.

During summer breaks at home I drove my sister's used Dodge Omni* or, when my mother was feeling generous, her Acura to my summer job at Contempo Casuals in a quintessential New Jersey mall (and crossing off 'retail' from possible career choices).

By my Junior year I convinced my parents that I needed a car so I could live off campus closer to the bars drive myself the 3.5 hours to school, saving them a few trips a year.

They helped me buy one of these:



A boring practical 1987 Honda Civic** sedan. Not my Jeep, but it had 4 wheels and got me safely from the Hudson River to the finger lakes. It leaked oil every 100 miles, but the tape deck didn't tangle up my Born To Run cassette so it was all good.

After college I moved to Washington, DC, found myself gainfully employed, and out of touch with my Soho-Loft-friend. My '87 civic was starting to show signs of being not so reliable anymore so I spent my entry-level job paychecks on my first New Car.

mine didn't come with a palm tree. Or an ocean view.


Another practical Civic***. [Sigh] Black this time, but it was no free wheeling Jeep. City driving, as it turned out, was not 4x4 vehicle friendly.

The years went by, cars came and went. My Black Jeep was always in the back of my mind, but there never seemed to be a right time to add its whimsical wheels to my life.

The Husband and I got married, moved a few more times and started a family. The cars were always sensible, fuel efficient and reliable. A Honda. A VW. A Toyota.

Not too long ago, we planted ourselves in New England suburbia with two kids to feed, a lawn to mow and a mortgage to pay.

And where I can currently be found driving around town in this



A Passat Wagon****. Full of kids. With a smile on my face most of the time.

How did he KNOW? Twenty years ago, how did he KNOW?

Did my 17 year old persona scream 'FUTURE STATION WAGON DRIVER'?

Was I that transparent?

I didn't think so.

But then people tend to see us differently than we see ourselves.

Maybe it was my spot on the tennis team that gave me away. Or my sensible chin-length bob. Or even the canvas LL Bean book bag I carried to school every day.

Whatever it was, it was the image I had chosen to show the world.

I guess I may have done a pretty good job of playing the Future-Domestic-Girl role on the outside, but on the inside I was, and still am, the ever hopeful Barefoot-Jeep-Driving Girl.

A girl can dream, can't she?


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Someday I will get my Jeep*****. I may be the only flip flop wearing 85 year old at Sunset Farms Retirement Village driving one, and I may not be able to see where I'm going, but there I'll be, in the driver's seat, heading to the beach.



*caught on fire as I was driving to the mall
**traded in for mere pennies at the sleazy car dealership
*** totaled a week after it was sold by the teenager who bought it.
****no longer being held together with a binder clip and pony tail holder
*****waiting patiently for me


This was originally posted in '09. But I'm thinking of my jeep a lot lately, for many reasons. And with any luck I will cross off 'go 4-wheeling on a beach in a jeep' from my bucket list in the next few weeks.


What's on your bucket list?

Date Night

You know when you and your spouse go out on your quarterly date night and end up at a pool hall in a town you'd otherwise never step foot in? The last time you played pool was in a smoky hole-in-the-wall college town bar somewhere in your 20s. But there you are, chalking up your pool stick in your Anne Taylor cardigan while gulping the pint of Harpoon freshly poured from the pitcher the under-age waitress just brought you.

You line up the cue ball to hit the 9 ball in the side pocket when suddenly you feel a bump. A nudge. And then a 'Hey!'. You look up and, about 12 very short inches from your face, is a sand-papery 50-something dyed brunette who has clearly seen more life - and leather - than you ever will. Hey! she yells in a smoker voice that reminds you of the bus driver named Debbie you had in elementary school. Do you mind getting the hell out of our SPACE?

Who does she think you are? Some novice pool player from the suburbs hoping to hell the babysitter doesn't call while you and your husband pretend for just a few hours that you are free and fun and don't have a mortgage to pay? God Damn. She's on to you.

Sure, you say, as you scratch your shot and curse under your breath, but secretly you are a little bit afraid that in a different venue - say, in crack house row in the slums of Jersey - she would break your knees with a crowbar.You'd be too weak to cry out for help and would wind up another statistic in another down and out city of crime. Maybe Christopher Meloni would be in charge of your case. At least there would be that.

You finish your game(s) - playing it cool whenever super scary leather woman looks your way.

You finish your pitcher(s).

And a few hours later, you find yourself in the pool hall cocktail lounge playing Yahtzee! with strangers.


You know when that happens? Yeah, me neither.

Anyone Hiring?

A long time ago, in another lifetime, I wrote resumes for job seekers. It's always more difficult to write your own, but I think I covered most of my current responsibilities here. If only the job market were better, I'd be in high demand. I'm sure of it.

March 2005-Present

Enterprise CEO

• Created and delivered two children
• Deliverables were on time and under budget
• Manage enterprise in complex and challenging environment (poor heating and cooling systems, inadequate natural lighting, and overall space shortage)
• Responsible for intellectual, emotional and physical well being of department

 Enterprise CFO

• Manage budget, addressing savings and ongoing operational expenses
• Responsible for all accounts payable and receivables
• Oversee investment portfolios
• Liquidated surplus inventory via eBay & Craig's List, increasing enterprise annual revenues by .5%; received 100% feedback ratings

 Executive Trainer/Mediator

• Formulate and implement strategic intermediary plans within department
• Develop and deliver full day team building activities; including organization of off site retreats as well as in house activities
• Facilitate conflict resolution meetings
• Promote a harmonious work environment 

 Unlicensed Dietician

• Successfully create nutritionally balanced meals out of assorted leftovers and unwanted canned items
• Effectively prepare up to four meals at a time using only left hand

 Facilities Director

• Responsible for general upkeep and maintenance of site, including but not limited to periodic interior painting, spackling, and disinfecting
• Implement seasonal beautification initiatives
• Assist in facilitating RFP process for other site projects including insect elimination, general lawn care, electrical and plumbing, and vehicle maintenance

Special Skills:

• Excellent interpersonal skills. Able to work with all levels management, even the Stepford Wife down the street. 
• Able to multitask; have effectively removed vomit from various surfaces while simultaneously building 400 piece Lego structure, operating in-house switchboard, and preparing subsequent meals
• Extensive experience in the following functions: driver, laundress, nurse, counselor, advisor, neighborhood parental unit, janitor, toxic waste handler, grounds keeper, math & reading tutor, entertainer, personal assistant, bartender
• On call 24 hours a day
• Work well under severe sleep deprivation conditions